February 2012
3 posts
7 tags
I am Asian and I speaks good English. When will...
Is it just me, or are things getting worse?
Some background: I love television. Like, so much. It’s kind of my best friend. So I have a big blind spot for it, I love to give it the benefit of the doubt, laugh things off, roll my eyes and think, aw television, you will get better and be better, just take your time. I will wait for you. But I’m kind of getting fed up. I can only...
2 tags
“Chang: Are you ignoring me because I’m Korean?
Shirley: You’re...”
– Community
3 tags
“I’ve been meaning to join a gym, for my health. I used to say I wanted to...”
– Darryl, The Office
August 2011
2 posts
3 tags
Gym Betrayal
I guess it ain’t no surprise that I don’t go to the gym very often. Sure there’s a gym in my building, just 10 floors down, but man. Getting my butt down there? Tres dificil. So if the stars align, the mood is right, and I actually put my sneakers on after a cruddy day at work, let’s just say it’s a Very Big Deal. So the other night, I’m feeling all productive and pumped, rocking out to some...
3 tags
July 2011
2 posts
2 tags
A timely email rant about Mr. Kutcher's crappy...
“Dear fellow movie clubbers, Happy New Year.
I noticed something a little weird while I was watching the previews before “The Fighter” this evening (good flick, check it out if you want, but not before you see True Grit). Anyways, as it turns out Ashton Kutcher is in a new movie. This is unremarkable in and of itself except for the fact that the movie is called “No...
2 tags
An incredibly specific rant about steadycam...
Ross: i'm really over steadycam. i think it should be banned
Liz: but otherwise things are bumpy!
Ross: maybe handheld for tight shots, but no steadycam. it's wanky. guys make whole careers out of being steadycam operators and they think they’re hot shit
Liz: oh really? they probably have lotsa back problems
Ross: yeah, and i'm like, dude, you are not cool. you just have a pack on. they get all into the choreography of it and boss everyone around. and the director is like "if we listened to you, we'd always do the most obvious thing." arg. hate those turkeys
Liz: i'm sensing some frustration here
Ross: they always wear those New Balance trail running shoes
Ross: feathered hair
Liz: hahaha. such a specific rant
Ross: it's like, i work 47 minutes a day and get union rates. and when i'm on, you better appreciate this because it's like ballet, man!
Liz: can you please write a post re steadycam operator jerkfaces
Ross: you're getting it
Ross: this is the post
Ross: aaand, scene
Liz: i'm gonna use this by the way. i was not joking
May 2011
1 post
3 tags
Corn Hubris
I’m not sure if you knew this, but I pride myself in my corn-eating abilities. There are many methods of corn consumption: typewriter back-and-forth chompin’, kernel-by-kernel picking, mowing down in one direction, etc. All methods delicious.
So I passed a street fair today that was selling some buttered/salted corn on the cob that looked freakin’ amazing. Like cartoon-corn...
March 2011
1 post
3 tags
A Very Wise Rant About the Chilluns
So I am a frequent visitor of geekologie.com, and their general paranoia regarding the impending robo-pocalypse/zombie-pocalypse + their up-to-date news regarding all things dinosaurian have made me a loyal reader. A few weeks back, they posted a fan-made PS3 commercial that was well-made, but also a little uncomfy-making:
Aaaand their rant pretty much summed up my sadness about what...
February 2011
1 post
2 tags
“This kid’s gonna be a star. He’s a young The Asian Guy from Lost.”
– Abed, Community
January 2011
1 post
3 tags
“Jeff: I’m saying you’re a FOOTBALL PLAYER! It’s in your blood!...”
– Community
December 2010
2 posts
2 tags
Mars Needs Moms, Dads Need Not Apply
Sooooo it’s been a painfully long time since I’ve been able to bust out ye ol’ computadora for some good old fashioned ranting. I have about 70 rants chilling on the backburner, festering into unhealthy nonproductive poop. And nobody likes nonproductive poop. So here we go! Alkaseltzer for the soul. So as I was watching this holiday season’s classic family movies (aka...
2 tags
“Steve: I like the sneakiness of your people, Migo.
Migo: …I’ll...”
– Running Wilde
November 2010
8 posts
2 tags
“Gus: We’re gonna get arrested aren’t we.
Shawn: Gus, don’t be...”
– Psych (Way to call out how messed up that is, Psych.)
2 tags
Schoolchildren Smell like Lunchmeat
I have long thought that the very distinctive smell of my middle school cafeteria was an interesting aromatic blend unique to Smalltownsuburbia, NJ. It was quite a special smell: a mixture of fruit snacks, lunchmeat, Hi-C, and cleaning fluid, with a teeny dash of sponge thrown in. It lingered on even when the cafeteria was not a cafeteria, but was our gymnasium, our assembly room, or our band...
2 tags
“Brody: How you doin? I’m Brody. I was assigned to this office…with...”
–
—Better Off Ted
It’s just interesting to me because I’ve never linked those two concepts before. Oh, normative Western ideology…How you’ve warped my mind! rant by Jeannie (wearing her statistically racially dominant rantpants)
2 tags
“Tracy: I’m telling you, old-school racism is back.
Toofer: How can racism...”
– 30 Rock
3 tags
Voldemort: a Political Analysis
So these past few weeks I have been riding on a Harry Potter high after going to Harry Potter World in Orlando (only word to describe the park: awesomeness). The new movie is coming out soon, I’ve been re-reading book 7 at home—I’m just in a general Potter-y place. Additionally, the midterm elections were last week. The combination reminded me of a slogan I’ve been seeing around lately: ...
3 tags
1 tag
Facebook and the Impending Robo-pocalypse
So I saw this commercial the other day for Verizon that showed a preggers wife going into labor. She says “it’s time!” and her husband looks up at her and is like ok one sec—-just gotta update my facebook status to say that you are going into labor—-ok let’s go! That was the literal selling point of the commercial. That you could quickly update your facebook statuses on your...
2 tags
Homophobia! We haz it!
Kurt: There’s this new kid Sam in glee club. He and I are singing a duet together.
Dad: Is that a problem?
Kurt: Finn practically begged me not to. He said it would ruin Sam’s reputation.
Dad: Does he play for your team?
Kurt: Undecided.
Dad: Oh. Maybe Finn has a point.
Kurt: You’re siding with him? After what he called me in our basement?
Dad: I was talking to Carol and you weren’t...
October 2010
28 posts
2 tags
“Troy, make me proud. Be the first black man to make it to the end.”
– Abed, Community
1 tag
Re: Sleeping princesses
Most fairytales are adapted from stories that were never intended to be children’s stories. Case in point: Sleeping Beauty. In the original version of the story the prince finds her asleep, has sex with her, and comes back sometime later to find that she has given birth to twins (while asleep). Moral of the story: stranger rape is ok when Prince Charming is the rapist, and fairytales are...
2 tags
“Luke: Dad, what’s Jagermeister?
Phil: Um, you know in the fairytales,...”
– Dude, that is a really awesome point, Modern Family. Fairytales are messed UP. Why are we telling little kids it’s okay to be kissed when you are unconscious by some rando that you’ve never met before? Not only is it okay, but it’s the only way to save your life — you just...
3 tags
It does not say R.S.V.P. on the Statue of Liberty
So I was eating some dindin with Jenny the other day and we randomly got to talking about Clueless and how solid of a movie it was. Man, it’s a classic, and it still holds up surprisingly well today. Case in point - Cher’s oral argument tackling immigration issues. It’s more articulate and well-reasoned than most of the stuff I produced in law school.
Without further ado, I...
1 tag
An Ode to Ringtone Namers Everywhere
Oh Droid ringtones, you are so descriptive
You capture 10 second tunes like nobody’s business
From “Friendly Ghost” to “Bentley Dubs”
You’ve helped me find hip hop and ghostly love
Your use of apostrophes is wonderfully appropriate
See Bus’ a Move, Gimme Mo’ Town, and (don’ forget) Don’ Mess Wiv It
Some names make me feel like I’ll never be alone
Like She’s All That, Silky Way, and Romancing...
1 tag
New phone, New feelings
So I have very proudly only owned flip phones for my entire cellphone using life. But alas, I lost my trusty Motorala krzr at NY Comic Con (which was kind of worth it since I found a dinosaur shirt there that says “Make me a sandwich!”, a combination of my favorite things). So after much debating and youtube video review researching, I decided to get…the Droid 2. My first ever smartphone. ...
1 tag
Bob: i want to rant about ancestry.com. particularly their commercials lol
Liz: hahaha
Bob: im half joking but it's so messed up how like it’s always some old white dude who has this fascinating family tree. "i went on ancestry.com, not knowing what i was looking for. turns out, my family lived right next door to the wright brothers!"
Bob: dave chapelle should do a skit. like the black dude who wants to pay for ancestry.com
Liz: HAHA. you are related to one of thomas jeffersons's slaves! congrats!
Bob: right. "okay lets see here...hmm..ok..welp, bout 100 years ago the record goes a bit cold, says here yo great grandaddy was a slave so..." like dang man! so many people would not be very interesting on that site. basically minorities.
Liz: haha truth. i guess it’s a pretty anglosaxan thing to do, looking up family crests and stuff. my family crest is like…kimchee
Bob: "maybe I lived by the wright brothers." "nope, just in their servant's quarters."
1 tag
“I am brave. Rollercoasters? Love ‘em. Scary movies? I’ve seen...”
– Phil, Modern Family
1 tag
I guess I'm an adult now?
So after a riveting discussion with my friend about tea (which made us think about antioxidants, which made us think about free radicals) I was like wait, isn’t there a band called the Free Radicals? No? Turns out it was the New Radicals, but close enough. I vaguely remembered a video, a bald man, a mall, and like this sense of fun empowerment. Like yeahhh this world is for the young let’s...
1 tag
“Lily…isn’t that gonna be hard for her to say? No?”
– Phil, Modern Family (after finding out his Vietnamese adopted niece’s name is Lily)
1 tag
Netflix: a Journey.
So, the subject of this rant has probably been the inspiration for many an angsty teenage basement band song: being stuck in the ‘burbs without a car. I know I’m really progressing into adulthood when I begin ranting about the woes of driving instead of my usual woes of gosh-darnit I can’t get gold in Mario Kart Special Cup!! WHY?! I mean I shouldn’t be complaining at all: I’ve got a pretty...
2 tags
“Diversity is the engine that drives this country. We are an immigrant nation....”
– Jack, 30 Rock
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“Drugs…during childbirth? Isn’t the whole point feeling God punish you?”
– Kenneth, 30 Rock
2 tags
Heroes: a controversial source of rant-fisticuffs!
———————————————————————————————-
In response to Part Deux of Robbie’s Heroes Rant:
Oh I see…a Caribbean Island (like Jamaica maybe??), that’s right of course, because Caribbean islands only...
1 tag
Nachos = my best friend
I am here to highlight a phenomenon that has repeatedly happened to me over the last few years. This is serious, people. This is about shots (shots! shots! shots shots!) and the proper fun-maximizing usage of the party-fuel that shots give you.
So, I’d say on an average evening out in the good ol’ Cambridge, where the bars close at 2 and the parks are sketchy, there will inevitably be a time...
3 tags
A very Robbie Heroes rant, Part Deux
Robbie: ok...so here's the real rant. in season 4, the heroes congregate in a carnival. now how stereotypical is that?! so they start living in a carnival so they can live openly and normally. a carnival? that's the metaphor the writers chose to pick!? what about the whole moral of being different isn't bad, it's a gift? no, instead, let's say actually being different means you have to live in a setting typically reserved for people considered freaks.
Liz: hmm even if its not bad, maybe it doesn't get rid of peoples fascination with you, cage-style
Robbie: and you only get there by using a crazy spinny compass
Liz: there's a compass. like pirates of the caribbean?!
Robbie: ooh yea exactly. but spinnier. ah, i hate marginalizing people and the whole show is trying to point out how horrible that is for people. then BAM, carnival. circus. pathetic.
Liz: hahaha. or is it like deep commentary that they can't escape the confines of being different and they can't escape that society will never accept them?
Robbie: yea, that's all true and fine. and they want to just live normally, which they can with others like them (think sweden). but don't choose a carnival to be the vehicle for that. choose a caribbean island. ok, i think i got that rant out of my system
2 tags
“Okay so anyway, here’s how to cure racism. And I want credit. If...”
– Sam, Samantha Who? Ahh, I love this show.
1 tag
Jennifer Aniston = poor woman repeatedly...
“She’s been rejected by Brad Pitt, Vince Vaughn, John Mayer and, most recently, “Cougar Town” star Josh Hopkins. And apparently most men and women don’t understand why.”
(Reporting that Jennifer Aniston was voted the most eligible single woman in the world tv.yahoo.com)
AHHHHHH, why are the articles about the most eligible bachelorettes always written...
2 tags
“I think we can help. Mercedes is black. I’m gay. We make culture.”
– Kurt, Glee
4 tags
Attn: Harvard Men! It’s About Damn Time Someone...
Dear Women and Non-Harvard Men,
This rant is addressed “Attn: Harvard Men!” So kindly turn around, navigate away from this page, or find some other way to mind your own damn business. You wouldn’t get it anyway. You’re not Harvard men.
So I was facebooking the other day when I looked over to the targeted ads and saw http://www.dateharvardsq.com/. I reluctantly clicked on the link, fully...
2 tags
Sign up to meet a dashing Harvard Man, ladies!
“Women: Connect with Harvard University educated doctors, lawyers, businessmen, academics and professionals with the first online dating community that empowers you to control the process.
Harvard Men: Make romance a priority with our simple, easy-to-use system and meet an outstanding variety of women who value intelligence, poise and ambition.”
dateharvardsq.com
Ew. Ewewewew....
2 tags
“We’re having a damn girl! Ahh I’m just so worried about her spatial...”
– Avery, 30 Rock. I chuckled out loud on that one.
4 tags
random topics = extremely welcome
Robbie: here are some more topics. what's with mini-blinds? and...why do we wear shoes?
Liz: hm. we wear shoes bc we've paved roads for car purposes. and now we can't walk on them. but we can drive on them.
Robbie: why can't we walk on them
Liz: oh it would hurt! our joints aren't meant for that
Robbie: we used to walk barefoot over mountains and rocks all the time. now everything is flat and smooth
Liz: oh. hm. i don't know how long ago the barefoot mountain walking was. jesus wore sandals
Robbie: ugh, it's not fair to invoke jesus
Liz: i totally did! i just jesus-dropped this convo
Robbie: you totally did. jesus turned water into wine too
Liz: yes but he WORE SANDALS
Robbie: jesus totally had mini-blinds too
3 tags
Sue Sylvester’s Boob Job Rant
“What would possess a person your age to get a boob job? You don’t even know what your body’s gonna look like. It’s an insult to nature and completely distracting. I can’t take my eyes off them, I’m actually talking to them right now.”
“I wanted people to notice me more. I don’t get what the big deal is.”
“The big deal is that someone who has to pump her naughties...
2 tags
“She dumped me for Mike Chang. They fell in love over the summer at…Asian...”
– Artie, Glee
3 tags
An Ode to E-mail, Hearts, and BritBrit
So the last episode of Glee (which quite a few people have ranted about to me actually, but that’s for another day) inspired me to dig out some of the good ol’ 90’s BritBrit (that’s what I call her, we are close friends). And guess what I stumbled upon? The epicly titled song: “E-Mail My Heart”.
“It’s been hours seems like days, since you went away And all I do is check the screen to...
3 tags
Invictus - what's it all mean?
“I saw the trailer for Invictus when I rented Sherlock Holmes from Redbox. I never watched the movie, but I didn’t realize it was actually a poem from the infamous William Earnest Henley. I don’t think he was infamous, but it sounds good.
Invictus
Out of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the...
3 tags
A very Robbie Heroes rant, Part 1
Robbie: i'm trying to think of things that bother me. bucket seats in pound are currently at the top of the list. peter petrelli in heroes is also bothering me. i mean, the dude had like every power and then they just took them away? and geez, "i just want you to have a normal life, claire." if i hear that one more time, i'll vomit all over their superpowers. also, time travel. you can't sometimes worry about messing up time and sometimes not. it's inconsistent and sloppy. makes it harder for claire to have that normal life, you know. plus what the hell is normal anyway
Liz: this is getting deep. you just made heroes all deep
Robbie: i start out superficial and peel it like an onion
Robbie: heroes is deep
September 2010
17 posts
2 tags
Changing my clothes and PMS-ing all over the...
I am on a quest to like all women. Then if we have meaningful interactions that go awry and I am personally affronted, I will stop liking them. But I’m trying to avoid random snap judgments entirely. Sad that this is a “quest” and is not just natural, but society is pretty darn good at pushing us to turn on ourselves and call each other bad names for random reasons, as if we...